Transfer

My apologies for taking this long to update, but as you can imagine it's been a busy holiday.
We were expecting a huge snow storm to kick in the exact time I needed to leave for the airport..... figures.
My rock star sister got us there safe and sound and I couldn't believe our flight was still on time!

Our luck started in true Detroit fashion as I go to pay for my checked bag at which point the sassy airport lady actually said
"ma'am your bag is free cause I ain't got time for that."
We knew from that moment on it was going to be a fantastic trip!
I was also nervous about flying with my meds and needles in my carry-on, but it was no big deal at all. They never even questioned me.
So then we were off to LA!

5 hour flight, but we made it work. One of my best friends went with me and so we did nothing but laugh the entire time!
And since I'm so good at figuring out this time change thing..... NOT
I quickly realize that I'm going to have to give myself my shot en route.
Let me just say, to give yourself a shot in the hip on an airplane bathroom is no small thing. BUT I DID IT!!
We make it there safely and upon landing I get a text from the guys that they were stuck in New Jersey because of the snow and wouldn't be flying in until the next day at noon.
This was going to be a huge problem!
The transfer was scheduled for 11:30!

Now I'm freaking out and sad and upset. These are their babies, they HAVE to be there!!

My husband and friend both quickly remind me that the transfer is not the most important part..... but rather 9 months from now.
That helped a lot, but I was still so sad.
So the following day, which was the 27th, we get ready and head to the clinic to check in at 11. I do the blood work and sign in with the ladies.
As I'm sitting there all nervous praying the Valium kicks in, I get a text from the guys that they've landed!!! I turn to tell my friend and the nurse calls my name to come back!!

I told her the situation that the guys had just landed and she said it was no big deal and that we can wait for them!
Thank You JESUS!!

So we were told to come back at 1:30 instead.
WHEW
That gave us plenty of time to go for a beautiful walk in LA. It was picture perfect! We found a whole foods (fresh market around here except on steroids) and got some freshly made fire roasted pizza as well as a whole pineapple and avocados.
Pineapple core for a sticky uterus, and avocado for healthy fats which benefit cellular structure. 
The guys had time to get their bags and a car and meet us at the clinic just in time!

I drop my drawz and everyone comes in. 
My friend, the dads, a nurse, the embryologist, and the Doc.
We were able to see a pic of the 2 embryos (one from each guy) and the expert explained their condition was perfect. They looked pre-freeze quality!
It was so awesome to get to see that pic of them. I said Hi and told them to make themselves at home.
Doc did his thing and within a couple of minutes it was over.

The wonderful ladies from Modern Family Surrogacy were there to greet all of us and it was so sweet to finally meet them!

I rested for about a half hour and then was told to be on bed rest for 24 hours.

That night we watched 'What to expect when you're expecting' with one of the dads and had a blast!

I lounged around the next morning and took my time getting ready.

My friend was driving around 3 hours to meet me and the dads!!!

Here is where I'm going to tear up.
This girl is amazing. Kentra you are an amazing support system for me and I cannot possibly thank you enough. It's crazy how 2 people can become so close and had never met.
I  have already gained so much from this journey and thank God everyday for the people He has brought into my life.

We all headed down to the Santa Monica Pier and played in the ocean (despite its freezing-ness)
Side note: Kentra I'm totally stealing some of those pics!
Then we all went to Third Street Promenade ?
Basically there are tons of stores and street entertainment mixed in with lots of...... characters. lol
I had so much fun just walking and talking. It was great not having any set plans.

Dinner time came around and Kentra and her family started back for home. SAD!!

The 4 of us then went to dinner at an awesome Italian restaurant and I gobbled up my food.
It was so weird not having little mouths to feed and being able to enjoy a meal out.

We were all tired so off to bed it was. The next morning we slept in (which was amazing) and 3 of us went to breakfast. Also amazing!
Maybe its the babies, but the food was tasting so great!

Next up, shopping!
I got to spend the entire day with 3 awesome people!
We did nothing but laugh the entire time.
We saw the Hollywood sign, and the Griffith Observatory which was a bucket list thing for me for sure!
I'm so thankful that the guys toured us around.
It was sincerely a picture perfect trip and I am nothing but smiles!

P.s. Pink Berry is amazing!

I'm sure I am forgetting tons of things, but I have to cut this short, the ball is about to drop!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
I have a funny feeling 2013 is going to be phenomenal.
Thank You to everyone who helped take care of my boys while I was gone- I missed them dearly.

Beta is January 7th! But hopefully I'll be able to post a pic of a positive pregnancy test soon.

As always, PRAY!!!!
God alone is the giver of life and I know with my whole heart this is what He has lead me to do.
I.AM.SO.BLESSED!

Great news!!

I went on the 20th for labs and ultrasound and I was so nervous!
There was the question in my head of whether or not I ovulated, and I was also hoping for a good number on the uterine lining.
The tech was wonderful and I was in and out.
I knew that a lining 8 or above was good, but what most doctors like to see is between 10-12.
Well...... Mine was over 17!!
Que the freak out
I have heard of some cycles being cancelled because of linings too thick and so began my dreaded wait to hear from the RE in LA.
In the meantime I chatted with some surro friends who also had bigger linings and although they reassured me, I still stalked my email.
All of a sudden I get a text from S that the doctor called him and said we're moving forward with the transfer!!!!!
I must not have ovulated and all is well.
Thank God!!!
The guys were so sweet the whole time!
It was also their anniversary so I'm so glad it was good news!
And of course my rockstar Hubbs knows just how to keep me smiling and my spirits up.
It's such a blessing having a marriage where we can pray together and go through this journey together. He has been great at giving me my shots---- and that's a good thing because we're getting ready to kick it into overdrive. Ill post a pic of my med schedule.
It's pretty rough but definitely worth it to grow a baby :D
LEAVING FOR LA ON 12/26!!!
Holy crap I need to pack :)
Merry Christmas! Ill be coming back knocked up!!!!
Ps I still need ideas for telling the daddies the good news of a positive pregnancy test and beta!!?!?
Don't be shy!

Ultrasound

Tomorrow I have an ultrasound and labs to check hormone levels and the lining of my uterus.
I have only an educated guess on where the lining should be thickness wise- so I hope everything is how the doc wants it.

What I am slightly concerned about is whether or not I've ovulated. Theoretically, the delestrogen stopped me from doing so, but there is a rare chance I could've ovulated through. Which would be bad. We would have to cancel this cycle, wait for a P, and start over. Really bad!
The reason I have these concerns is because right around the time I normally ovulate, I started to feel pressure in my ovaries. It wasn't the typical ovulation cramps, just more of a pressure- but it was definitely there.
I informed the nurse and the doctor said he will check it all out in tomorrows results.
From the women I've spoken to that have gone through IVF, the pressure is normal.
Whew
But I still have that concern in the back of my head.
I know that worrying wont change a single thing, and it will only make me feel worse.
So I am trying my hardest to keep reminding myself that God's timing is always perfect and He is in control.
I guess if there has to be a hiccup or two, ill gladly take this over lots of other worse things.
Hopefully tomorrow I can go to bed relieved.
We're so close and I just don't want to mess anything up.
Fingers crossed for our departure in 1 week!!

Ideas!!

Ok so I have been stalking YouTube and Pinterest trying to find a fun way to announce the pregnancy to the dads. Problem number 1: they want to wait for beta, understandably so. Problem number 2: since they will be waiting for beta, there's no way I can mail anything because everyone knows the beta date so they will be foot tapping waiting for the call. I need ideas on something fun and cute of how to spread the good news (because its sooo going to work the first time!) right! Right?
Hey big man upstairs...... This is my Christmas wish *hint hint*!

One idea I saw was to take a picture of the pregnancy test with a note that says "can't wait to meet you"
I also would include the beta number.
It's a good idea but I was just curious of anything better.
Let me know!!
Also, the dads read the blog and we are friends on Facebook so I won't be posting too much until beta. But, I may have to ban them from the blog until then so they don't see all your wonderful answers;)

All Things Surrogacy

All Things Surrogacy is a group I found through Facebook and I love having the support on a daily basis. It's fun to go on these journey's together and see the types of experiences other ladies have.
They were interested in finding more surrogate bloggers to feature on their page and I jumped at the opportunity to share my surrogacy.

My name is Rebecca and I am 26 years old from Ohio. I have been married for almost 5 years and we have 2 boys ages 3 (Maveric) and 1 (Finley).
I am a Pharmacy Tech at a hospital and currently in school working towards becoming a Certified Nurse Midwife. I just can't get enough of pregnant bellies and babies ;)
I have always had surrogacy in my heart and in April of 2012 (March or April) I decided to check out an agency and learn more about surrogacy.
I knew right away it was something I wanted, something I was capable of, and an incredible opportunity to spread the love of family.
I prayed about it hard, and discussed it with my husband before turning in my paperwork with Modern Family Surrogacy in California.
I am now matched with 2 unbelievably nice guys (from Ohio.....crazy- I know) and have started meds for our FET on December 27th!
This experience so far is already WAY more than I ever imagined and I am so blessed to get to be a part of love this big. I CANNOT wait for what lies ahead, which I can sense is going to be incredible.

Sophia Selynn!

Wow! What an awesome thing birth is!
It never ceases to amaze me. I had the incredible honor and joy of helping a dear friend of mine through labor. She is such a rockstar! An awesome friend and mother and true sister to me.
I don't think she'll ever know how much I value her.
We all welcomed a beautiful baby girl into the world on December 5th!
They opted to not know the sex of the baby until birth and let me tell you it makes for an exciting birth. This was her second child and I was present for the first as well! 2 girls for my 2 boys to fight over- yikes :)
TMI alert:
Some may think this is cool, and some (most) will think I'm just weird, but literally as my friend finished pushing out her baby my aunt arrived ;) ;)
I know..... I told you TMI!
I just think its cool realizing one pregnancy was over quite literally as another was starting. God is incredible and so miraculous !
For those that have not seen a birth, I highly recommend it!

As far as the next steps in my surrogacy.....
I went yesterday for labs which yielded a 70 estrogen level and 1.5 progesterone.
As far as what the nurse said, and my googling, those numbers are normal.
I also gave myself my first shot last night!! 2 mg or 0.1 ml of delestrogen.
It was so easy!
I was definitely shaking, but oddly excited to stab myself
I feel so official!
I continue on this dose every 3 days and will go back it on the 12th for more labs to see if my dose will change.
I also will be getting an ultrasound on the 20th to check my uterine lining.
Less than 3 weeks until transfer!
So. Flipping. Excited.
My emotions lately are sky high with happiness. Sweet baby Sophia is here and I'm one step closer to helping create that wonderful feeling of family for 2 out of this world dads!
Thank You Jesus!!!
I know this isn't for everyone, and most people will never understand, but I do, and I have outstanding support!

So thankful for those special people God strategically places in my path. Jill, you are just what I needed that night- thank you!
So for now I will leave you with a sweet picture of the little Miss Sophia Selynn
This sweet face is the reason I want to help

Contracts!

Done......and done.
Contract has been signed by both sides and sent to the lawyers. Tomorrow, the IVF clinic will get a copy so they can draw up the med schedule.
I will be starting labs and estradiol on December 7th!!
Thank The Lord- I can stop worrying now, not that it ever did any good.
One month until transfer!!!
Send me all your baby juju

Happy Thanksgiving

Today I am thankful for many things.
Jesus, a house, reliable transportation, health of myself and family, great job, wonderful husband and beautiful children, and the opportunity to follow my dreams.
I am beyond grateful and thankful that God has put it in my heart to be a surrogate.
I cannot express how blessed I am.

I have started birth control pills- and contacts should be done within the week!
I wish everyone a happy and safe Thanksgiving- and remember to cherish your time with others.

Meds Are Here!!!

MEDS ARE HERE!! (screamed throughout my house in my Pauly D accent)


I woke up to the knock on the door...... FEDEX. YES!

 

 

There are all kinds of goodies !

Needles, syringes, gauze, alcohol wipes, a sharps container, birth control pills, needles, Valium, Methylprednisolone, Doryx, Progesterone, Delestrogen, Needles, more prenatal vitamins, Endometrin vaginal suppositories........ (no one mentioned these!)

have I said needles?

 

I started enlisting the future services of some nurse friends to give my shots at which point my husband got upset. I think he is looking forward to stabbing me o__0

And I think its his way of participating, which I find completely adorable.

 

 

I think there are so many people who never realize what our bodies are capable of..... all these meds are naturally acting in a normal pregnancy. Look how awesome science is!

The BC pills will stop me from ovulating, because that would be bad, and also to ensure Aunt Flo comes exactly when we need her.

The estrogen will get my uterine lining ready, and the progesterone will maintain the pregnancy until the placenta takes over. Endometrin supp. is another form of progesterone used to maintain the uterine lining and pregnancy.

Methylprednisolone is an anti-inflammatory. The Doryx is an anti-biotic. Valium..... I'm pretty sure that's to seduce me :D

 

This may sound pretty crazy, but I am so looking forward to starting meds. It will mean things have really started. I do not have a med schedule yet, but I'm sure it won't be long because.........

 

I received the initial draft of the CONTRACT!

I read the entire 38 pages last night and made my notes on revisions.

Monday I will call my lawyer to go over the whole contract and let her know of my concerns.

I think I am still 1-2 weeks away from finalizing, but hopefully they will be signed, sealed and delivered by the end of the month.

 

This Is So Exciting!!!

Keep those prayers coming!

"He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn't produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more."- John 15:2

Moving right along

Flights are booked, hotel is booked, and meds are on their way!!!

Still working on contracts so I won't get a med schedule or instructions until contracts are complete, but at least we won't have to worry about rushing meds.

My giant box of fun should be here Saturday! Ill attempt a photo.....
Attempt

I'm so excited and can't believe how fast things are moving!
I am blessed to be working with such wonderful and caring parents-to-be. They take care of everything and are so on top of things.
They have been spoiling my family and I already.
I am looking forward to being pregnant again and am so thankful for all the support.
God is great :D
42 days until we leave and 43 days until transfer. If anyone out there has any luck- throw it my way. I've got a pair of crazy colorful socks that I'll be wearing which seems to be a Modern Family tradition. And somewhere I read that eating pineapple can help make your uterine lining sticky..... Anybody know of anything else??

Dates!!

Ok I know this is jumping the gun..... Like really....
But.....
Dates are practically set!!
Unless auntie F goes wild n crazy, ill be flying to LA December 26!

We're still working on contracts- which should be done within the next couple of weeks

But since it is a frozen embryo transfer, and I don't have to sync up with an egg donor, we are able to schedule the transfer date according to my cycle.

So- tentatively- ill be flying on 12/26
Transfer 12/27 or 12/28
Coming home 12/29 or 12/30


Hubby will be staying home with the kids. Traveling with all that would be more stress than fun plus I'm going to be limited with lifting. I really wanted Eric to get to be there for this but it's more important that our children are with one if us for that length of time.
So bestie one of two is going!
I seriously have the best friends ever!

I hope this works the first try because I know the guilt will be bad on my part otherwise.

Dear God,
You've brought me this far. This is you working through me. I'm thankful for you instilling this dream in me. Please....... Let these babies stick! You alone are the giver of life and we're all so anxious to meet the ones you're sending.

So excited. So thankful. So ready to see them become daddies. They deserve the love that only parents feel.

Waiting patiently

The plan is to have contracts drawn up and finished by middle of November to be able to start meds in December. This would hopefully allow for an early January transfer of 2 (maybe 3) beautiful little embryos.
I know in the beginning of this journey it was very hard for me to wait patiently but ever since meeting the guys I'm just at ease.
I think there is a sense of confidence and optimism that is keeping me calm.
I'm so ready for all of this, the shots, traveling, pee tests, ultrasounds, and belly bump!
Hopefully there are no issues in the contract and we can move forward smoothly.
I know this isn't much of an update but good news is just around the corner!

The Next Step

So......I had my medical screen, labs, psychological evaluation, background check, and eric had his labs drawn also.
Everything came back good.
The psych part was creepy, well the written portion anyway..... a lot of weird questions! I am officially not crazy (my mom is thrilled that she didnt "screw me up too badly") hahaha.
Now I am all cleared medically. I may or may not need a varicella vaccine but thats no big deal.
I think the next step may be contracts which should be a breeze considering we've already discussed the major components. Once contracts are drawn up, both sides have a lawyer to help them go over it and sign. Then, we can make a baby!! well.... grow a baby-theyre already made :)
Its hard to not get ahead of myself here, and I cant help but imagine the fun parts.

Because Ohio's insurance is boofy (word blast from the past), we'll have to wait a little bit to get started. I think it would mean a feb. transfer at the latest but possibly jan. which could have me delivering this time next year!!!

In the meantime, Im getting to know the parents and loving every minute of it.
They are such sweet people and I am truly blessed

2013 is going to be a fantastic year!

On Cloud Nine

I've been putting off writing this: for the first time in my life I have a loss for words.
I've been feeling so many emotions lately- all good! Its just hard for me to wrap my brain around this. I CANNOT BELIEVE how blessed I am.
These dads are out of this world!

I had an amazing time in LA- and that word "amazing" does not even come close to doing the trip justice.

God has been so ever-present and it reaffirms everything I am doing. I do not believe in coincidences, and with that said, so many things have happened that makes me want to cry happy tears. I've never been more sure of ANYTHING else in life like I feel for this journey and these dads.

For them to think even for a split second that they wouldn't be able to have children just breaks my heart.

So,  I'll start from the beginning:
Monday was Labor Day- S and his mom and pop drove all the way (2.5 hours) to meet up for a cookout so we could all meet eachother's families.
Ummmmm SUPER COOL Parents!!!
Hilarious! Down to Earth, genuine and loving parents. (although after some of the stories S told me, his momma has a sassy side :0
I was so focused on things going smoothly at the cookout that I didn't have time to think that I was actually flying to LA the next morning!
(Thanks to my sissy,mom, and husband for helping so much)
It was wonderful to be able to see all of the most important people in my life together in one setting. That alone is rare.

Tuesday Morning: S picked me up and we headed to the airport. Flying is so cool!
We had a layover in Chicago and after a delayed plane, running through the airport in heels, and lots of funny people watching, we got a new flight to LA.
I have this weird thing for palm trees- they make me crazy happy :) so to see them from the plane was heaven.

As soon as we landed we grabbed a bite to eat and S gave me the most beautiful Swarovski crystal angel wing necklaces! Talk about unexpected!
I told him we don't need luck (because we have something better) but that hopefully it will represent 2 necklaces for 2 babies ;)
I was blown away

Our doctors appointment was first (and the entire reason for being there)
I was slightly nervous for what the doctor was going to see and say, I mean I know I have working parts, but I have heard of some surrogates going for the medical screen and it not being a good outcome. I really wanted him to like my uterus hahaha!
He said "crystal clear, as good as it gets, you're perfect!!"
FANTASTIC!!
I could see the relief falling off of S.
His face showed such a beautiful smile when he heard of the results- and that gave me a glimpse into what it will be like handing him his child. I CANNOT WAIT!

They have been down such a hard road in their search for a family and that was very noticable considering the relationship the guys seem to have with the staff. The nurses were so thrilled that I was ok'd by the doctor that after we left, we had to go back to the office for more labs lol. The wonderful nurse that will be working with the guys and I gave me all sorts of prenatal vitamin samples and said "here take them all! Ill order any kind you want" haha
She also was very thorough in showing me how to use the needles and vials (which cracked me up....I use those things all day long at work) What I am nervous about is the stabbing myself on purpose part...EEEKK
The doctor was wonderful! He seemed to appreciate my interest in the medical aspect of it and willingly showed me the ultrasound monitor and explained exactly what he was looking for and pointing everything out. I hate it when docs just do their thing and dont use the opportunity to teach.
He's my kind of doc !

Next up- shopping, people watching and gobbs of laughing. He is HILARIOUS and my sides still hurt!! We definitely have the same sense of humor
We walked along the ocean which was a dream come true for me, to stand in the Pacific---Yes Please!! It was freezing!
Checked out the Santa Monica Pier and had a very realxing dinner. I couldn't wipe the smile from my face!
Stayed in a fabulous hotel and awoke the next morning for another full day of flying home. Beyond thankful S came with me- I would have been a hot mess with my amazing direction skills ;)

Once home, I got another great present.....which had meaning of hope and promise and optimism.....pregnancy tests!! :) 8 of them to be exact hahaha. That meant the world to me


All I can do is shake my head in awe at this amazing opportunity. Its so strange not being able to match my feelings to words. How can I ever describe the power, magnitude, and love that God has given me?
Yes I am helping this couple have a baby, but it feels so much bigger than that. I am gaining so much from this!
It's the principal of the whole situation- a gay couple and a christian. (not that theyre not christian....I actually don't know) So many christian people think a baby is meant for a man and a woman. Which is where I was at mentally at one point also. Without going off on a tangent, EVERYONE deserves to have and experience the love of family.
I want to show the world what LOVE really means.
What Jesus did for us, and what He has asked of us- to love unconditionally. I love these Dads. I couldn't imagine doing this for anyone else.
To think one day soon I get to be a part of their dream of being daddies....and get a front row seat :)
My cup runneth over............

Still on track!

Got the P today. Which means our appointment is still good for the 4th in Cali! Since our flight is so early, S is coming the night before and staying in a hotel.
I can't wait for all the fun stuff planned!

We will be having a cookout for labor day at my moms where his parents will also be coming to meet me and my friends/family!! 
Soooo excited!! And nervous :/

It feels like a date :) 

Short and sweet today but my next post will be about my first ever trip to LA!

Medical exam

Appointment set for the medical screen in LA on September 4th. Coming home on the 5th.
Starting bc pills in the a.m. and stopping on the 25th to bring on aunt flo.
It's been about 9 years since ive been on any kind of bc so it'll be interesting to see how my mood shifts ;)
Pray for Eric
S will be going with me : Thank Goodness! He's a blast!
I'm finally getting to meet the ladies from Modern Family (well at least one for sure)
This is so cool! :D

Matched!

I'm SOOOOO excited!!
I don't know why I was so nervous, the guys are awesome!
We met for breakfast then went to the park afterwards.
Maveric was cracking me up all day. At breakfast he decided to stake his claim on everyone's food except his own. Then proceeded to pour his own syrup and cut his own pancakes. Maybe I have a chef in the making??
Finn also did pretty well. He was dancing like usual.
It was so nice to get together with them and just relax, enjoy the day, and get to know each other.
Eric loves them too, not that theres anything not to love :)
They are S & A. Super nice, generous, funny, caring, and down to earth. They no doubt will make fantastic parents and have lots of love to give! Looking back I am so happy at how things have turned out. I know I was super bummed and sad that I wasn't being matched right away,but of course, it all makes sense now! I dont think I could dream up better people to get to do this for!
I know that some IP's live far from their surrogates and in some cases really really far. I am so happy that the guys are close and only a short drive away. We will get to have a much closer relationship than a lot of other people and I can't wait to meet their families as well as introduce them to those near and dear to me.
So once we got home, I was to call the agency and let them know how
 I felt the meeting went. ( AMAZING)
Then I had to hope and pray and wait to see if the guys felt the same.
Right before the agency called me back, S texted to say they are looking forward to building a very strong relationship going forward
.............Best news ever!
So of course once the agency called I couldnt stop smiling like this :)))))))))
Cora could probably hear me smiling thats how big it was!
so.... the next step.
TMI alert ( not that any men read this)
the next step is for me to have a medical screening with their IVF doc. AKA= flying to LA
He needs to see me between days 6 and 11 of my cycle which would be within the next week. If thats too soon, it will wait until my next P.
Also have to get the insurance bit figured out which the agency will help with.

This journey is a long awaited one for the guys and the baby/babies will be so spoiled and get so much attention (first child for both sides)
I CANNOT wait to get to do this....
Im picturing how fun it will be to get to tell them I am prego and see their anticipation grow as my belly does.
As we all know, I am crazy passionate about babies and birth and I know firsthand how magical it is to be in the room the minute a baby arrives. Its nothing short of a miracle and it will change you forever. If any of you have ever had the honor of witnessing a birth, ( shoutout to my beautiful baby girls gianna and payton) you too know how honorable that moment is and you were probably so grateful that the mom wanted you there?!
Well I get to do that times 100. I get to be the one to give them their baby not just be present during it.
I am completely honored,excited,happy,blessed.
Seriously the guys are awesome!
Thank You God for your hand in this---- I wouldnt/couldnt be doing this without your o so loud presence. I LOVE how well He knows me and how I need to be told things a couple times each gradually getting louder in order to really be sure I am on the right path.
Such a sense of calm when you realize youre right where He wants you.
You really can't wipe the smile from my face :D

maybe just maybe

I know it's probably way too early to say anything, but I'm just too darn excited and can't keep it in! There is another potential match!!!
and gues what..............
THEY LIVE IN OHIO!
holy crap i know!

They are awesome and smart and sweet and funny and...... my cheeks hurt from smiling.
I got to talk to them today on the phone and we've made plans for a double date on Sunday.
They are gonna drive all the way here and meet with us. (o man I hope our boys behave)
and I hope that I don't act my usual clumsy self :/
For me, I already know I want to work with them. I think they might be wanting to wait until after Sunday's meeting before talking with Modern Family but not sure.
Crazy how things work out.
I thought this journey was going to be a way for me to help open other people's eyes, but I'm quickly learning that maybe God is using this to open MY eyes :)

I better not get too ahead of myself so just pray that they like me and want to work with me just as much as I do them.
Dear God, Please don't let me trip, spill anything, or stutter
and please o please let our children be on their best behavior

Change is in the air

I've been praying my butt off and made some decisions....some decisions that will hopefully open the doors (like God has opened my heart) to a wonderful couple in need of a surrogate. I feel like a weight is lifted.
Hopefully my next post will be forward progress. And hopefully it will be soon (although I have this funny feeling it's all unfolding just as God has planned)
He is pruning me for sure ;)
Special shout out to my hubby- (not that he reads this) but I am so thankful for a man like him that stands by my side and supports me, all while letting me be me. He knows I over analyze the crap out of everything and in the end he trusts my decisions. Love you babe!

Trying to pass the time

No big news on my end.... Just trusting that God is lining everything up for this future perfect match. In the meantime I am enjoying bonding with other surrogates and learning of their stories. Waiting sure is hard! This has already taught me so much. Just because I'm ready to do this doesn't mean it will happen when I want. I've learned that I can't control everything- in fact quite the opposite.
I've had the honor and blessing of meeting up with a local surrogate. She has really helped me (along with a few other surros from the agency)to realize that this is not just a journey for the parents but myself as well. I can be as picky as I want :) I know that although right now waiting sucks, it will be that much sweeter when the time does come. I'm surprisingly calm these days. Please pray that God doesn't make me wait too much longer;)

I would do anything for love...But I wont do that

Well I got the phone call that I've been waiting for! Modern Family called and said that they have a potential match for me. So after a lot of phone calls with my midwives, I FINALLY got a clearnace for pregnancy faxed over to the IP's (intended parents) IVF doctor. 
Then I had a 3 way phone call with the IP's and our agency. I was SOOO freakin nervous!
All was going well until......the very end.
Basically there was one issue that we both felt opposingly strong on.
So, no match.
I know that me being in Ohio is a big factor that any parents have to consider.
First of all I'm a lot further from the agency. Secondly it will cost the IP's more if they choose me because they will have to pay for me to fly to California twice. Ohio's insurance is different than California's in that you add on a maternity rider and have a 9 month waiting period before the maternity coverage will kick in. So Ip's would have to wait roughly 6 months before transferring. Yet another thing that is going to make it harder to match me is my profile (what I am and am not willing to do.) Specifically in the chance that if 2 embryo's are transferred, there is a 1% chance that one can split into identical twins- creating triplets. Most IP's are going to want to selevtively reduce down to twins. I am not willing to do that. I am not saying that I don't completely understand their point of view. The fact of 3 babies is not what scares them, its the NICU stays, the oxygen tanks, the premature deliveries and the potentially never-ending issues that come along with that.
 I get it. I DO. Its too much of a risk for IP's to take and not walk away with a baby.
But in my eyes, a solution would be to only transfer 1 embryo. I do feel that if someone wants me bad enough they will be willing to do just that. From what I took out of my phone conversation with the agency afterwards is that its going to be very hard if at all, to match me.
Part of me says 'oh shit am I being too picky? am I not being open-minded enough?'
Another part of me says 'well if they can't match me because im in Ohio then maybe I should check out some agencies closer?' I REALLY don't want to do that! It would mean starting over- with everything.
I really want this! I really want to help! I thought I was a good candidate but evidently I'm not so desirable.
So now.......I feel like shit
I'm ok with not being matched with this couple. I mean if it doesn't feel right, then it doesn't feel right. Plus I was so afraid that I was going to force myself to like them just because I am ready to get started. Thankfully that was not the case.
I'm trying to be positive and remind myself that God is in control. God is in control. God is in control. Who am I to rush or question Him?
I am going to work on staying confident that this is way bigger than me. Bigger than the dreams of the parents I will be working with.

At the same time I have said from the very begining that I am merely a vessel. This is GOD's ballgame and I'm just a player. I am willing to go wherever HE leads me.
Feeling unsure of where to go from here.

Update but not really

Well it has been around a month since I started with the paperwork and had my profile made. I got an email just as I was starting to get worried. They are still looking for a match for me and said the distance thing is only slightly slowing things down but they are confident that I will make a great surrogate.
Whew!
I can't help but have this "pick me" attitude about it. Don't get me wrong I am very patient but excited for this to all begin but I know and expect it to take time. We're only 1 month into the 1-3 month wait and I know me living in Ohio will probably have it going longer than 3 months to match which is ok with me. I mean they ARE picking someone to carry their child! I am only a little sad feeling like I'm not getting picked for kickball or something. Is it me? Who Would want me to carry their child? This is what my brain does when left to think.

Staying positive, enjoying chatting with other surrogates, and loving on my boys is what I'm doing now. I have experienced some negativity but that's to be expected. They can kiss my ...... Uterus ;)
So thankful that I get to fulfill one of MY dreams. I can't wait for what's ahead.

Its a gut feeling

Here I am lying in bed with my second little blessing Finley. It's quiet moments like this that I realize I live like a queen. Not only for the things and people in my life but also for the many opportunities that are right in front of me everyday. The following is a text message to my husband, best friend and rock - Eric. I thought it would be good to share as it might help some people understand better why I am so passionate not only for surrogacy but also for babies in general. I'm getting ready to start school again and I'm all fueled up for the day I become a midwife.

I'll always remember the moment when we were trying to get pregnant with maveric and hurting when it kept not happening. We were sitting on the floor and couch in our old living room in the dark and just talking when I realized its not up to us it's not something we can or can't do. I gave it to God that very minute and from then on have turned first to Him with everything else. What do ya know that was the month we got pregnant. I think all He was waiting for was for us to surrender. That's why I'm so confident in my surrogacy decision because I know that science can do all it wants but when it comes down to it, only God can give life. I really feel God is using me for this baby and He already know exactly which couple I will be matched with and already knows the exact baby he will bring to them. I can feel that God is in control over this and it's so powerful. It's almost tangible. Makes me get butterflies and like I can feel something huge is about to happen. Like adrenaline before a big game. Thanks for supporting me and letting me be me

Basic breakdown

A basic overview of how I got to this point..... When people ask how I found the surrogacy company I really thought about that question and realized I didn't. Rather they found me. I had googled something about surrogacy and a bunch of companies popped up. All of their websites seemed cold or made me feel very much like a number. Some even showed the surrogate profiles to the public which turned me off. So then I checked Facebook to see if their were any companies that I could 'like' and start to follow and learn more. That's when I found them -modern family surrogacy. From the very first email I felt important to them. They took the time to talk with me and gave me the process details. Our first phone call was over an hour long. I didn't realize until after I hose to go with them that I hadn't really looked into any other companies so I got to googlin' - my favorite past time ha! I tend to over analyze and over research everything. After digging deeper into some other Surrogacy teams I very quickly learned how perfect modern family is for me. And even though they were the first company I looked at, they are the best! So a short overview of how his will play out goes as follows: turn in all paperwork which includes application , copy of ID, copy of pay check stubs, OB records and insurance booklet and photos of myself and family All was well until I found out my insurance does not cover infertility or surrogacy. I'll come back to that later. Now they can put together a profile of me and will work on matching me based on a multitude of things. Would I be willing to carry for a gay couple, single man, single woman, single gay person? How many embryos am I will to let be transferred? Am I willing to reduce in the case of multiples? Am I willing to terminate if medically needed? What kind of relationship do I want with the parents before during and after? Am I willing to undergo invasive procedures such as amniocentesis? Once they think they have a match, I will look at the parents profile and then get to talk or meet them depending on where they live. If both sides click and want to work together, we will be considered matched. I'm so excited for that part because I can feel it in my bones that God is about to bring some very awesome people I to our lives!! Once matched which can take 1-3 months, the medical exam, psychological exam and contracts portion will take another 1-3 months. Time out: back to the insurance part : once I am matched I will have to sign up for anthem insurance and get on the maternity rider and since Ohio is dumb, I'll have to wait 6 months before. Overage will start. However, I will not be under my OBs care until around 10 weeks prego so that buys us some time. I will have to fly out to San Diego LA area for he medical screen to make sure all is in working order. Once all of the contract stuff is done and reviewed, I will start injections. Not sure exactly which ones but I do know there are 3. One easy, one medium and one big ouchie. Thankfully needles don't scare me- it's the stabbing myself part I don't like. I've gotten myself at work a couple times and it's no fun. Shots will start from my period until around 10 weeks pregnant. Hopefully it takes the first try ! And yes I really wanna carry twins :) but thats up to the parents. Back up a smidge~ when it's time for the transfer I will fly back out to Cali and have the wittle beebee's nestled in. Bed rest for a day or 2 then come home. Blood work 10? Days after that to see if I'm knocked up. Lots of labs after that too. The delivery part is still in the air because it really is up to the parent based on Cali and Ohio laws. There is no doubt it is a long process and for those that think it's a 9 month thing with no problems, ha! I am in this for the long haul and know that God has me doing just as he planned. You see we have this AMAZING relationship. He just gets me. And I need Him. Sometimes he has to be pretty loud for me to hear lol. Have you ever been so sure of something that you're not even scared? That's where I am. Dang this is long and it's time for me to get these boys up outta bed. Pray for the perfect people to be sent my way :)

When God speaks it can be overwhelming

I am starting a new and awesome journey of surrogacy. Although still in the very early stages I thought it would be nice to journal all my thoughts, fears, hopes, and happiness. Many friends of mine are very interested in this whole process so why not make it public?! Maybe it will encourage someone else to become a surrogate too :)I'm sure some of it will be too much information but I'm going to write as if it wasn't public so you'll just have to hang in there with me. Surrogacy is something I've always had in my heart to do and recently decided (after lots of talks with the hubs and prayers) theres no time like the present. I'm not gonna be using my uterus for a while so why shouldn't someone else? If along the way there are any questions, don't be shy! Side note - don't judge my grammar or spelling mmmk thanks. Right now im waiting for a match. I have no doubt that God will bring the perfect couple to me. In His time Waiting can be very hard for me as I am kind of impatient lol (those that know me know that the "kind of" part is a little off) but I know this is going to be a time when God teaches me a lot about myself and prunes me to his liking. There are plenty of things I'd like to work on myself and patience is definitely at the top of the list. I am working with an AMAZING surrogacy team over in California. I haven't even met these women in person but already feel so close with them. I'll call them my surrogate sisters. A lot of people might think I'm nuts for doing this now considering I just had a baby 5 months ago and also have a 2 1/2 year old, work full time and go to school. Did I mention I have to be a wife somewhere along the way. Let's just say there's always laundry to be done. I like the busyness. As for todays title, a good friend of mine said this to me at the perfect time and gave me an a-ha moment. It was exactly what i needed to hear at that time. Because of her I feel strapped with armor ready to face it all- and I know there will be lots! Well anyways I'm tired for tonight. Until next time... Hopefully it won't be too long from now